Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
