So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
