batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im having a threesome with these popsicles
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
