Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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