fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
