It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
