If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
