I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
In America we eat man semen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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