so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
