google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
