I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Randomize
