Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I AM VODKA MAN
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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