I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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