Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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