I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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