Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
