I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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