thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
