I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
