im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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