I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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