he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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