Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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