and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
