i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
