this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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