cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
