stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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