yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
