Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
