Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize