So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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