I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There r osticjed everywhere
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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