two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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