I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
