How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
