I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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