Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
