Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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