I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
