Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
