he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
