It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
