Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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