I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
