okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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