It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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