Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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