No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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