No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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