you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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