i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
