im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
that may or may not have been my penis.
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