i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
