I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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