I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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