Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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