You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
