I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
