quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
