made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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