she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
