he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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