no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
