we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
