hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
