Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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