If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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