It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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