she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
