Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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