I'm going to rape someone's good day.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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