White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
