I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you would pick up someone in the library
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
