she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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