my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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