i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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