apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
