What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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