So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
