You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
