Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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