No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
