Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
