i think my tv is drunk
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
