In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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