Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
