Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
